My history

So let me just hit the highlight reel here. I was born and raised in the suburbs of Detroit.  I was a weird kid and I'm sure today would have been diagnosed with ADHD. Wheeeeee.

My family moved to Dallas when I was 12 and I lived there for six years and wanted to be a character in a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Dissolute, self-destructive, well dressed. I never figured the clothes part out.

I spent the next seven years in Austin. 5 in college and 2 as a bartender on sixth street. I misheard the term "Freshman fifteen" and put on about 50 lbs, only half of which I've been able to shake since. Austin was my favorite place on Earth and I would have stayed had I not believed I would die of a beer and barbecue overdose at an extremely young age.

I lived in NYC during the 90's and worked as an advertising copywriter. I had a lot of fun and loved New York and had my own apartment and felt like a big shot. I was in my 20s, Clinton was president America made sense and it felt like anyone could try anything and it would all work out just fine and if not well, I'll Be There For You anyway.

So with that prevailing wind in the air, I moved to LA in 2000 without any real connections or leads or plan or clue and got married and started working as a screenwriter. After my first big "spec" sale in 2002 I was the "hot" writer. I was courted by all the big three-letter agencies, offered a shot at every open writing assignment in town, was double booking six figure gigs and taking meetings with the highest of the high powered producers in the entertainment industry.

It went on like that for about seven years. I worked steadily and my "quote" kept climbing. I was making bank in a job that 10s of 1000s try to break into every year.

Only one problem

I wasn't getting any movies made.

Getting a movie made is a crap shoot in the best of times. A LOT of things have to align including but not limited to movie stars' interest, studio production and release schedules, directors' availability, and of course the magical appearance of tens of millions of dollars of someone else's money. No mean feat. Most people in the industry will wryly observe that it's a miracle that any movies get made ever.

But regardless of how many at-bats I had, I struck out every time. Some of my scripts that didn't go were fantastic. Others could have been better and weren't for varying reasons ranging from my inability to find the material to poor development. I take my share of responsibility in many cases, but I do believe that some of my scripts were lead to disaster by being "noted" to death.

Anyhow. After a while I would joke that I had scripts "collecting dust on some of the most powerful shelves in the industry." But the checks cleared and people seemed to enjoy working with me and I knew I wasn't alone. There were other writers who had active careers despite being unproduced. I figured I could keep it going if I worked hard and was nice. Being a midwesterner those are pretty much my strong suits.

In 2008 I got an amazing opportunity to direct my own film with a multimillion dollar budget and a fantastic cast. That film TABLE FOR THREE began as a sketch that we used to perform in New York cabaret theaters and had always been a passion project of mine. Getting to do it was a dream come true and I am proud of the film I made.

That said, it wasn't loved by the people who put the money up and it never really saw the light of day. It's a not a perfect film and I take responsibility for its flaws just as I take credit for the many laugh out loud moments in the movie, but as I said I remain extremely proud of it to this day.

So at the beginning of 2009 I had made my movie and word was Ivan Reitman was making a movie based on a story idea I had sold to his company. So what if I wasn't getting hired to write the script? I had a project in active development at Warner Brothers and had an actress who was literally a household name and an A-list producer attached to another script of mine. I was still hot!

Until I wasn't.

I'd like to say my career slowed down, but it didn't. It stopped. From the day we wrapped production on my film, I didn't make a penny as a screenwriter for three years, and then when I did, it was a polish of a script of mine I had sold almost a decade earlier. A little bit of much needed money, yes, but nothing to keep me fresh in people's minds as a writer or to give me that elusive 'heat.'

I kept creating material, writing specs for producers despite WGA frowning upon such action. I went out for any pitches or OWAs that would hear me. I kept writing, kept being nice. But NOTHING was working.

Now of course the first thing that struck me after seven years of thinking I was awesome was, "maybe I just suck." As someone who's suffered from low self-esteem from birth I've always thought that anyway. Sure people say "We love your work!" but I always wrote a  large percentage of that as just Industry Sunshine.

But I don't really THINK I suck, and I'll post examples of my writing if need be to support my case, but when you're out of work it's hard to argue that you aren't doing something terribly wrong or that you've been (finally) exposed as the fraud you are.

The immediate and complete cratering of my career corresponded handily with turning 40 and put me into an emotional tailspin to say the very least.  I now had kids and a mortgage and responsibilities out the wazoo - and was making bupkiss. It's not that I had never had a plan-B to fall back on, it's that I'd "made it" long enough that I'd stopped nurturing the plan B. My plan B had withered and died due to plan A working so well for so long.

 But over the last couple of years it's also been a very good thing for me. It's helped me put things in perspective and appreciate how good I have it even when we can't afford to eat out or go see one of the movies I had stupidly turned down the opportunity to write years ago. I've learned to slow down and enjoy the moment, even when it's absolutely terrifying.

And just to clarify. I'M NOT COMPLAINING. I'm laying out a series of events. I am fortunate to have had ANY run in this ridiculous, wonderful business and it owes me absolutely nothing. If I never work again in the entertainment industry I can say "Hey I did that" just like I rode in a charity rodeo and jumped off a cliff in Greece and skydived and helped make and raise two amazingly awesome children.

And of course I've looked high and low for other work. Work in "real" jobs, but there ain't much out there for a guy like me who's resume has a great big hole that just says "screenwriter" for the majority of his post-college years. I have no "connections" outside of my small circle of friends and acquaintances. And the job market ain't what it was in the 90s'. You might have heard about that, it's in all the papers. And trust me. I'm not particular. I'm not too good for any job.  I'd barrista if they'd have me. So far Starbucks does not return my calls.

The good news is that I am currently working on a smaller scale project I love and have truly enjoyed writing. The people that hired me are fantastic and I think the script is great. But it's run into a string of snags that have me painted into a frustrated corner and I don't know what will come of it. I had hoped it would springboard me to other work, but who knows.

So here I am. Trying to keep the lights on and reinvigorate a struggling career against the odds.

So now what?

I don't know. That's why I'm blogging.